To Love A Chili Dog
by CrackShipper666
Summary: Sonic falls in love with a chili dog, and it ruins his life for years. Enjoy this first-person view multi-chapter story, narrated by the blue blur himself. (NOTE: The acronym for this story is TLACD.) Contains minor suggestive themes, mild swearing and a crack ship. Takes place a few days after the events of Sonic Forces, and not in the same canon as the IDW Sonic comics.
1. Intro and Part 1

When I told Tails about it, he thought I was joking. When the fact that I wasn't joking managed to get through to him, he shut me out for years. Knuckles thought I was crazy. And Amy...

Amy was absolutely furious. She vowed never to speak to me again. (Spoiler: she was the first to shut me out but get back in contact with me.)

This is the story of the love that ruined years of my life.

It all started when Silver, Shadow and I went to get chili dogs after the war ended.

"I'll have a foot-long chili dog with extra spice on the extra spice," I requested to the vender. "Also, with relish, ketchup and spicy mustard."

"Regular 'dog, with chili made from ghost peppers," Shadow hissed edgily, "and make it quick and with a hell of a lot of your spiciest mustard. I don't want to spend any longer with these idiots than I have to."

Silver and I glared long and hard at Shadow. Why did he have to act like he hated everything and everyone? I quickly realized that he was trying to out-spice me. Typical Shadow.

After a moment, Silver finally ordered, "I'll just have a regular chili dog, easy on the chili, please."

The vender nodded, we paid, and a few seconds later, he came back with our chili dogs. Silver's was sad, with barely any spicy goodness. Shadow's was buried under a mountain of chili and mustard. Mine, however, was perfect.

It had the ultimate spread of chili across its beautiful twelve-foot body, the bun was crusted with just the right amount of sesame seeds, and the relish, mustard and ketchup had blended into this beauty of a mixture. It was truly the perfect chili dog, and I fell in love the moment I laid eyes on it.

Wanting to keep it for myself, I came up with an excuse - I think it was something along the lines of "I need to water my Chao" - and ran off with my chili dog before Shadow or Silver could respond.

I gazed upon my glorious chili dog. I couldn't eat it! It was too perfect to be eaten!

"You would never hurt me, would you?" I asked it, my heart pounding against my ribcage. The warm scent of the chili dog wrapped around my body like a cloud of protection. This chili dog made me feel like I was on top of the world.

It remained silent.

"I'll take that as a yes." Thus, I took it home with me, we watched a couple of romantic movies together, I wrapped it up in a shiny aluminum dress, and I tucked it into bed beside me.

"Good night, Chili," were the last words I whispered to my precious before I drifted off to dreamland.

Me and my chili sailed the seas that night in a small fishing boat. I didn't have any reason to be afraid, because I had my chili to protect me. Even when our boat crashed and I began to drown, I knew that I would be okay, because I would be rescued by my love. When it pulled me back onto the boat, the sea had turned from water into clouds, and the boat had turned into a gondola! My chili started to sing me a song while rowing the boat, but before I knew it, the song was over and I'd woken up. My chili dog was still warm, and I knew what it wanted me to do. I just had to tell Tails about my soulmate.

That would be the biggest mistake of my life.


	2. Part 2

Fast as lightning, I ran to Tails' workshop, knowing he'd probably be kissing his stupid plant again. As I was running, a thought came to me: _Is this normal?_ I brushed off the thought and knocked on the door to the workshop, Chili in my hand. Tails opened it, his eyes half-closed with bags big enough to hold groceries.

"Another all-nighter in a row?" I sighed, rolling my eyes. He had been working on a new invention almost non-stop. He never did tell me what it was.

"Yep," he yawned. "Is that breakfast?"

"NO!" I snapped, pulling away Chili. "You may not have Chili!"

"Jeez, I know you love chili dogs, but you're never this overprotective. Is something wrong with you?"

I began laughing. "You think there's something wrong with me? Of course there isn't! It's just... this is the perfect chili dog!" I cautiously unwrapped the aluminum foil around Chili, my hand ready to leap into action if anyone tried to hurt her.

Tails studied it for a minute. "Well... okay, then."

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I placed my free hand on one of his shoulders. "I... I think I'm in love!"

Now, it was Tails' turn to burst out laughing. "You're joking, right? Of course you are! We both know that you secretly have a crush on A-"

"I'm serious."

Tails' mouth dropped. He stared in silence for what could have been anywhere from twenty seconds to an hour - I lost track after the first fifteen seconds - then said, "Oh, right, I gotta water Cosmo!" Then, he slammed the door shut.

Foolishly thinking he'd talk to me again the next day, I turned around and wouldn't you know it, Ames was standing there, tears forming in her eyes.

_Crap..._ "H-hi, Amy!" I greeted her innocently.

"Don't speak to me! I never want to see you again!" she cried furiously as she ran off.

"Amy, wait!" I called after her. I don't think she heard me, and if she did, she ignored me. I began wondering what I did as I wrapped Chili back up.

"I'll think about it over a milkshake," I sighed. Glancing at Chili, I added, "I'll buy you one, too." I ran to the milkshake stand, where I would run into three more of my friends who would destroy all contact with me once they figured out my crush.


End file.
